Doctor: What? ...What? ...What!?Doctor:Right...
Brand slogan: Max Capricorn cruise liners. The fastest. The furthest. The best. And I should know, because my name is Max!
Mr Copper: I shall be taking you to Old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by Good King Wenceslas. Now human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner, like savages.
Rickston Slade: Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge? And who in the hell are you anyway?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years old, and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?
Slade: No.
The Doctor: In that case: Allons-y!
Mr Copper:It's a festival of violence! They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad! It's barbaric!
The Doctor: Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of, of peace, and thanksgiving, and... What am I on about? My Christmases are always like this!
The Doctor: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one, do you hear me, one! Ok. That gives me three questions. three questions to save my life, am I right?
A Host: Information. Correct.
The Doctor: ...No! That wasn't one of them! I didn't mean it; can I start again?
A Host: Information. No.
The Doctor: No! no, no, no! That wasn't a question either! Blimey... one question left. So, you've been given orders to kill the survivors but survivors, therefore, must be passengers or staff. But not me. I'm not a passenger. I'm not staff. Go ahead, scan me. You must have bio-records for every person onboard. I don't exist. Therefore, you can't kill me. Therefore, I'm a stowaway. And stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon... the nearest figure of authority... is on deck 31. Final question. Am I right?
A Host: Information. Correct.
The Doctor: Brilliant. Take me to your leader. I've always wanted to say that!
The Doctor: Oh, that's clever. That's an omni-state impact chamber. Indestructible! You could survive anything in there! You could sit through a supernova... or a shipwreck. Only one person can have the power and the money to hide themselves onboard like this, and I should know, because—
Max: My name is Max!
The Doctor:It really does that?
The Doctor: What's your first name?
Midshipman: Alonso.
The Doctor: You are kidding me!
Midshipman: Uh... why?
The Doctor: There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y Alonso!
The Doctor: Astrid Peth, citizen of Sto. The woman who looked at the stars and dreamed of travelling. Now you can travel forever. You're not falling, Astrid... You're flying!
Mr Copper: Well, what am I supposed to do?
The Doctor: Give me that credit card.
Mr Copper: It's just petty cash, spending money. It's all done by computer. I didn't really know the currency, so I thought a million might cover.
The Doctor: A million? Pounds?
Mr Copper: Is that enough for trinkets?
The Doctor: Mr Copper, a million pounds is worth fifty million credits.
Mr Copper: ...How much?
The Doctor: Fifty million and fifty six.
Mr Copper: I've... got money—
The Doctor: Yes, you have.
Mr Copper: Oh, my word... oh my goodness me, I...
The Doctor: It's all yours planet Earth! Now, that's a retirement plan.But just you be careful, though!
Mr Copper: Oh I will, I will!
The Doctor: No interfering. I don't want any trouble! Just... Just have a nice life.
The Doctor: Mr Copper! Where're you going?
Mr Copper: I have no idea!
The Doctor:No... me neither.
Mr Copper: Oh, and Doctor? I won't forget her.
The Doctor:Merry Christmas, Mr Copper.
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